Contemplative

Today I have a contemplative mind.

I've just gotten around to putting some thought into the spiritual impact of the events of last year, and what a tremendous effect those events have had on my view of the future. I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse that we are unable to see things as they are happening, that we can only look back to observe and understand the lessons. If I were more dedicated to writing in my journal, I could look back and see how things progressed; however, it wouldn't be the same as it is now with a somewhat distant observation.

Several months with Tony out of work held such uncertainty. As he struggled to find what he needed professionally, I struggled to find the best way to support him emotionally. Our relationship grew stronger as a result of finding balance together through a challenging situation.

Having Veronica leave for college in San Franciso made the house finally feel a bit empty. As we redesigned the girls' room to mark the change, we still wanted to give them a warm and loving place called home. Seeing them hanging out in their new room over winter break, both on the computer, listening to music, texting their friends, and laughing about days gone by, that warmth of having the house full was present once again. I may not have that on a regular basis anymore, but when I do, I cherish every moment.

Watching Daddy fight cancer from afar is tough. He's on my mind and in my heart every day, as is Mama. I admire both of them, and I feel the warmth of the love they share when I'm with them. I just wish that was a little more often. I see in them where I got so many of the traits that make me who I am. I know with certainty that I was blessed with the most amazing parents. I hope that as I age, people tell me I'm just like them - that would be a beautiful compliment, and one that could not have been realized when I saw the world with 20-year-old eyes.

My friendships for which I'm so grateful continued to evolve this year. There were moments of joy, fear and uncertainty. One friend gave birth to a lovely little girl, one changed career paths, one continues to focus on making a succesful business, another battled and still fights cancer, and another provided constant sisterly support to the one battling cancer. These women are strong in ways that are written in the most acclaimed novels. I am honored to know them, and say thanks daily that they are in my life.

I sometimes wish I were more like one of those people that seemingly has the answers, understands the lessons and knows precisely what's next. But I know I'll never be one of them. I have to think about things for a while, and today I thought a lot. And I realized more fully that part of the joy in life is in the discovery of the lessons and in the distant observations.

I wanted to sit down and write some amazing entry that would give my visitors something to truly ponder. Then I figured, why not just tell what's on my mind?

We all face exciting and difficult challenges and, in spite of them all, it's the support and love of the people we care for that makes each and every new day a blessing to behold. Now, go hug somebody you love.